I do like Mondays... once more with feeling

Right - these English mornings are really agreeing with me. Over the last two days, I've not been able to stop myself getting up at 5am when the sun rises. This coming from the night owl who can't get up any earlier than 9am back home. Must be the English air, or the fact that I am far far far away from work and the shitty Perth weather, or the fact that I know I don't have to go to work today.

Oh, I do like the sound of that. Let's say it once more with feeling: I don't have to go to work today.

It's now Monday and once I get off this laptop, I will be off like a dirty shirt to discover ye olde London, and the bits that are less ye-olde-London. Tate Modern, Shakespeare's Globe Theatre, then mucho mucho shopping in Oxford Street. Let's mix it up.

But before I get ahead of myself, a rundown on yesterday... (montage sequence that indicates we are turning back the clock - use your imagination)

SUNDAY:
Caroline and I catch the Tube out to Notting Hill Gate for a traipse through the Portobello Markets. I am rediscovering the area, quite amazed at all the things I missed the first time I was here a few years back: the kitshy knick-knack shops, the never-ending lines of French patisseries and couture cafes, the odd buildings and quirks of this neighbourhood. I cannot go past Hummingbird cupcakes - specifically the 'Bling Bling'. After that, I feel like I'm going to have a coronary in the very nicest way possible. If you're going to flop over dead, you might as well have chocolate icing all over your face.

Lunch is had in Arancina pizzeria on Portobello Road - where there's half a bright-orange mini in the window, as well as a guy doing karaoke in the shop front. He's doing the classics - the Frank Sinatras, the Tony Bennett tunes. And you know me: whenever they play that sort of music, I MUST BUY SOMETHING. I'm convinced that I've been hypnotised earlier in life, prompted to automatically bring out my wallet every time the sounds of the 40s and 50s comes on. The pizza comes out mildly warm, but the ambience is faaaaabuous. All this makes me want to live in this city - if nothing more than to discover the quirky little spots in the city, and in the cracks in between the city. I'm the Christopher Columbus of Cafe Culture.

After, we catch the Tube to South Kensington - full of big, beautiful and pricey real estate. Apparently, men need to be earning at least 35,000 pounds a year... in order to be seen as eligible for marriage by most women. I find that extremely amusing. Did you notice how I linked together two sentences completely unrelated to once another around the world 'pricey'? See - I AM a real academic.

Harrods - full of over-priced items, the place to oogle at things you can't afford, and the place to oogle at more beautiful men who like other beautiful men. Sigh. Ain't it always the way? I take photos of singing pizza chefs and Jimmy Choo shoes that are on sale... for 270 pounds. Which makes them about AU$700. Nice work if you can get it. They're impossible to walk around in, but boy... do they feel good to slip your feet in!

All this walking around requires some serious siesta-ing at some point in the day. We retire to Hyde Park for about half an hour to rest our feet and catch some shut-eye. The weather is schizophrenic here in London. It's sunny and warm one minute, and within about 30 seconds it can become overcast and chilly. I find myself dressing and undressing every 10 minutes here, which sounds a lot dirtier than it really is. But like the song goes, as far as I'm concerned it's a lovely day. Having said that, I scratch my head when I see girls running around in mini-skirts and dresses.

Final pitstop is Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square for a wander around and dinner in Chinatown (I'm relying on my mathematical abilities to determine the best place to eat: the higher the ratio of White to Asian people in a restaurant, the lower the quality of food... hey, I didn't say it was perfect mathematics).

And wouldn't you know it. Charles Ross - he of One Man Star Wars Trilogy - is in town. He's doing a show tomorrow night. My timing is so good, it's scary. A second date with the Jedi Geek. You gotta love a man who knows his Star Wars-isms.